The anxiety improved a bit in the end. Not amazingly. It’s still there. I’m struggling with more fatigue and lack of energy which is a bit horrible. I’m definitely very worried about what the future holds for me physically but let’s hope it all balances out, right? I keep being told by people in the know that you can’t trust where your body is at when steroid withdrawal is a thing still so, hopefully, it’ll work out.
Oh, and I also had the worst headache (migraine?) of my life Wednesday night. Absolute agony. It went overnight then crept back, hanging around in the background for most of Thursday and Friday keeping me on edge when I was trying to be busy doing things for my Mum’s birthday.
It was a good birthday. We made the best of it given we couldn’t safely go out for a meal. (Masks aren’t a thing in restaurants any more and she hasn’t had her booster jab yet). Another birthday meal in the car after a hasty click and collect order. It was good though.
Anyway, both our thoughts are creeping towards Christmas and it’s not feeling good.
We can’t really see anyone thanks to me. Sure, we could, both legally and if we had to, but we can’t really. Numbers are high and we’re weighing up the risks. It’s not death I fear really but long COVID and the idea of COVID adding to my existing fatigue levels. My Mum is high risk too as while she isn’t on immuno-suppresants right now, she also has Crohn’s, is asthmatic, and has diabetes. It feels risky but also heartbreaking.
Last Christmas, we didn’t see anyone but it felt workable. As rough as it sounds, nobody really saw anyone at Christmas so we weren’t alone. This Christmas though? We know that pretty much everyone is going to have a fairly normal Christmas and that hits hard.
Christmas has never really been the same since my Dad died but we always did a good job of socialising. It had us visiting two sets of family friends and one set of relatives, plus a cinema trip usually. In the pre-pandemic world, it was often one set of family friends, one set of relatives, and I’d have a good friend come over. I think I can see the good friend. He’s very careful, lives alone, and is fairly low risk. He’s the one friend I see indoors now. He’s still a risk, mind, and I hate that thought. It’s constantly subject to change.
Everyone else though? It doesn’t feel worth the risk given the jobs they do and so forth. Hopefully they’ll all understand. So far, one set of family friends truly get it and we can at least see them outdoors in some form.
It’s a horrible thought though that everyone else gets to carry on and I can't do it. It’s going to hit very hard mentally. It already is.
So, I guess…when you’re having fun, try to think of those who are missing out simply because they want to see 2022 safely? It’s going to be a rough few months although, you know, we’ll make the best of it. I’m very good at that. Doesn’t make it easier, unfortunately.